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been noticing blank spaces lately . 13.11.24.

i had a week a while back where, out of the corner of my eye, i would see blank spaces. not black like my vision was going, but blank like the white-grey walls of the apartment, or a space between two objects. i would just notice the space and not feel any desire to fill it.

i like the idea--it's calming--of being suspended in water. if i start to feel like i hate myself again, i imagine i'm in warm water like that. i picture how it would feel and i picture the body and the dappling of the sunlit surface and so much sea-green.

there are blank spaces on my drive to work. it seems that every day i drive, the sky gives me a full 360-degree sunrise. there are usually no clouds; just a wide expanse of yellow glow. the fields in the morning are blank too, green stubble furred with frost.